After the radiation on my head, I hoped things would get better. How wonderful if the migraines would go away! They didn't. In fact they seemed to get worse. It felt as if my whole body had a headache. If that wasn't bad enough, I was losing vocabulary and math skills (not that my math skills were ever at the rocket science level before!)
The boys and I developed a routine that let us have "together" time and let me know they were safe in the house while I was taking medicine for the pain. I would lay on my side on the couch with my knees bent. That formed a "cubby hole" for one boy and the other would sit in front of me leaning back against my stomach. We would watch movies, read books, talk about their day at school, etc. The wonderful thing was that when I fell asleep, the boys would continue with their movies or books and were safe and out of trouble.
The boys tell stories to this day about me trying to talk when I was on medication. I always try to deny that I would say the silly things they claim, but I'm sure they are right. During those times when nothing would help the pain, I would quietly talk with Michael and Matthew about living in a fallen world and God's Plan for us. We would talk about pain being part of the process of healing and that God never gives us more than we can handle with His help.
I wish my guys hadn't had to go through all of the medical trauma in our home starting at such a young age, but I believe it has made them stronger and better able to handle other traumas they will face in their lives. It also gave us an incredible bond that I wouldn't trade for anything. Sweet prayers. Little heads leaning on my shoulders. Small hands holding mine or caressing my cheek. All three of us falling asleep on the couch after a squabble about who gets the cubby hole. Heart talks that seemed to come from children a decade older. My dog has taken to sleeping in the "cubby hole" where he can keep a closer watch on me in case I have a seizure (they come very frequently these days). Those precious times I had with my boys, these memories we talk about, the small traditions that we still carry on, These things were God's work in our pain and confusion. I thank Him daily but I don't think it will ever be enough.
3 comments:
Good morning DeDe. I'm praying for the Lord to strenghen you and keep you in the security of his "cubby hole". I know he has you in the palm of his hands for sure! My favorite verse is Psalm 139 and I am also encouraged by 2Corinthians 1: 3-4. Do you have a favorite verse? (it's impossible to pick just one!)
have a blessed day. linda
Hi Dee reading this reminds me of a song we use to sing in church, called "Soul of Jesus santify me", you see i always sing it even if I learned it as a child because there is a part of it that ask Jesus" within thy wounds hide me, from the malignant enemy defend me and bid me come to thee." I will continue to pray for you my friend just keep believing. Jordy
DeDe,
I told you about how starting in 1995 my uterus started bleeding for no reason and wouldn't stop. Well we had five little children in the house at the time. Jimbo was the youngest at 1 and then Nate at about 3, Sarah was 6, Aaron was 7, and our oldest Josh was 10. I would do chores and play with my children until I felt I was bleeding extremely heavy and then like you lay down on my left side on the sofa to rest and pray to God for him to stop it. I too had the privilege of butterfly kisses, cheek stroking and teaching my children about God's unending love.
I would not trade anything in this world for my family. I am so sad you've lost the memories but so grateful that you still have such peace and joy and laughter like you did when we first met at Newman in 1980. Your incredible faith is such a witness to the world. Thank you for sharing your story.
Carol
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