Losing Memories

It has been both difficult and a source of constant humor that I lost so much memory due to the brain tumor radiation. The immediate difficulty is that I have always had a great and large vocabulary: now I was losing words at a Nascar rate! Going from my position as Office Administrator in a busy dental office to not being able to remember the word for that thing that put metal strips in paper to hold them together was really rough. For example: I could be talking along and call that item a telephone and not realize it, or I could come to a dead stop where that word needed to be inserted and the rest of the entire conversation would be gone. An important thing I lost was simple math skills. This was extremely heartbreaking~ math was never my strong suite and to lose what I had was really a bummer. I mean, I never balanced my checkbook before or did long division, but if I want to do it someday~I can't now! (What a waste of my degree in Business Administration I used to think!) Little did I know that was just the beginning.

On the other hand, when it was "convenient" with my kids or good friends, I would remind them that I had a brain tumor so lack of memory COULDN'T be blamed on me! (following my logic here? *grin*) What a hoot! "I promised I'd keep your 7 kids? oh no, it must have been a brain tumor moment.. I forgot completely!" "I was supposed to order 10 towels not 8 for the team? Well, crappit, my brain tumor must have kicked in" "Oh my gosh, it was MY night to cook dinner for 5 families...." Well, you get the picture. We have to live with it, we might as well have fun with it.

Unfortunately, it backfires also. My kids will promise
1. they told me they would be out until midnight on a school night
2. that I put the dent on the car, not them
3. that I told them I would supply their entire grade with snacks
4. that I gave them a month off chores for good behavior

So how do I argue with that? (I ask them to see their heads, when they lean down, I either give them a kiss or a rap on their skull and it's all over ~ we just go on. ) After they leave, I thank God for yet another day to play with them, to be a little angry with them and to share this wonderful thing called life with them.

Some things I've lost will never be replaced until I meet my Father in Heaven. I can't remember the feel of my babies in my arms or how it felt to rock them to sleep. I have totally lost their infant and toddler years but am filling in with pictures. I don't remember my growing up almost at all. Thank the Lord for family to help fill in. Pieces fall into place like an old movie reel at the oddest of times. What a joy that is! I believe they are little gifts from God, pieces of heaven and promises of all to come.