Day of Diagnosis

I remember the morning ~ the moment ~ that I realized I had been diagnosed with a brain tumor. While I was in the hospital for the biopsy, I was so drugged that the doctor's words were meaningless. However, when I got home, I know that my mother was crying at the hospital and my husband at the time was very solemn. My children were 2 1/2 and 4 years old at the time.
I recall going to Wednesday evening church and telling a doctor friend that the tumor in my head was malignant but it wasn't cancer. I was so relieved. He just looked at me strangely and a few minutes later asked my husband into the hall.
A day or two later, I started to look up the meaning of the medical terms in my biopsy report. My dictionary only went so far and I was too flustered to find what I wanted on the internet so I called a Paramedic friend and asked him to use his medical dictionary. One description led to another until I realized that the "glioma" I had was in fact, cancer. CANCER! IN MY BRAIN! Oh Dear Lord, I wanted it out and I wanted it out NOW!. I went into my youngest son's room, grabbed his quilt and fell into the corner sobbing. It seemed like I cried for days.
I cried to the Lord for healing, for a miracle. I cried for my babies that I might be losing time with them. I cried for what my family and I were getting ready to face. I cried from fear. I cried from the very depths of my soul.
My family and friends began to gather, they of course, had known the truth from the time I left the hospital. They were just giving me time to work it out, time for God to let it sink in. I am so thankful that they all had a week to begin dealing with it before my world crashed, it made them so much more ready to deal with my emotions.
Radiation was the only option due to the area the tumor was located. Chemotherapy had not been approved for astrocytoma in 1993. I started 5 weeks of daily treatment at Sarah Cannon Cancer Center in late February. Hope, Faith, Family, Friends, and God's Promise ~ these things have kept me going for 14 years longer than the doctors said I had. I am part of a study with the NIH (National Institute of Health). I have a "Celebration of Life" every April in honor of the end of my radiation. My doctor at the Dr. Ordiway(?) Grant. He has 4 daughters, one of them the wonderful singer Amy Grant. When we met with him the first time, he told me that one of his daughters was about my age and that he would always treat me like one of his daughters. He always did and I will always be grateful.